Tone Meter

Say it the right way. Every time.

The Kidtime tone meter reads your draft before you send, flags hostility, and offers a neutral, child-focused rewrite — so every message lands the way you meant it.

Why coparents use the tone meter

Catch hostile tone before you send

The meter flags loaded words, sarcasm, and blame so you can pause and reconsider before it hits your coparent’s phone.

Three rewrite styles

Every flagged message comes with three rewrites based on proven family-law communication methods — pick the one that fits the moment.

Privacy-first by design

Tone scanning runs on demand and is never stored with your message record. You stay in control of what gets sent.

De-escalate by default

Reduce back-and-forth, avoid screenshots going to court, and keep your coparenting channel focused on the kids.

The three rewrite styles

Each rewrite is based on a communication framework that family-law attorneys and high-conflict specialists have been recommending for years. The meter picks the one that fits your draft — you pick the one that fits your situation.

BalancedBIFF

Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm

Developed by high-conflict attorney Bill Eddy, the BIFF method keeps messages short, factual, and respectful. Best for most day-to-day coparenting: scheduling, logistics, and routine updates where you want to stay civil without being cold.

Best for: Everyday coparenting communication with a reasonable coparent.
MinimalGrey Rock

Minimal, factual, emotion-free

Grey Rock strips a message down to one or two sentences of pure fact with no emotional handles. Often recommended when the other parent is high-conflict or narcissistic and uses responses to fuel more conflict.

Best for: High-conflict exes who escalate whenever they sense emotion.
PoliteYellow Rock

Warmth without yielding

Yellow Rock is the gentler cousin of Grey Rock — still brief and unemotional, but with enough warmth that it reads well in court. Many family-law attorneys prefer it when messages may be reviewed by a judge, mediator, or parenting coordinator.

Best for: Court-ordered communication or when you know records may be reviewed.

BIFF is a trademark of the High Conflict Institute. Kidtime uses the framework as guidance; we aren’t affiliated with or endorsed by the Institute.

Before & after

HeatedOriginal draft

“You’re ALWAYS late to pickup. I can’t believe I have to remind you about your own kids AGAIN.”

Rewrite
Neutral tone

“Just a heads up — pickup was at 4 and I wanted to make sure we’re aligned for tomorrow. Let me know if the time still works.”

Passive-aggressiveOriginal draft

“Whatever, I guess I’ll just handle the school forms myself like I always do.”

Rewrite
Neutral tone

“I can take the school forms this week if that’s easier. Want me to send you a copy once they’re in?”

Frequently asked questions

How does the tone meter work?

Before you send, Kidtime analyzes your draft using a fast language model and surfaces a tone read — calm, heated, passive-aggressive — with an optional one-tap rewrite suggestion. You decide whether to send, edit, or swap in the rewrite.

Is my message private?

Yes. Tone analysis happens only when you opt in, is processed for the scan itself, and is not used to train models. Your messages stay inside your Kidtime record.

Will it change how I sound?

Only if you want it to. Rewrite suggestions are optional — you’re always free to send your original draft. The goal is to give you a second set of eyes, not to edit you.

Does it work for both coparents?

Yes. Each coparent can opt in independently. When both of you use the tone meter, average message temperature tends to drop quickly.

Start coparenting with a cooler head

Download Kidtime and turn on the tone meter in a tap.